Two Years Without You
A letter to my husband on the second anniversary of his death + July Coaching invitation
July 18, 2024
Hey Babe,
Miss you. How are you doing up there? Got your mama for company now. You said Deda wouldn’t last without you here and you were right. I look at the state of the world and wish you weren’t right about so many things. But I’m guessing old Soviet pessimism is more accurate about human nature, events, and institutions than American optimism.
Georgia made it to the top 16 in the Euros! I’m sure you were watching from there. But I can’t think how unfair it is that I got to see first the Cubs and then the Rangers win the World Series and you didn’t get to see this, in the only sporting event you religiously watched.
You should see our garden now. This year it’s been ravaged by bunnies, heat, and torrential rain. It’s a strange year. Once again, I’m reminded how much you accomplished in your 15 minutes of puttering after work. All that pruning, all that tying in. It’s easy to fall behind. The blackberries have gone bonkers. I missed the window for picking the sour cherries and the whole garden smelled like sour mash for a couple of days, until I got it all cleared away. And don’t get me started on the tomatoes.
Thanks to the Handy Brothers, I did complete the paradise garden we designed. It’s so beautiful and it brings me peace and joy, watching the light on the water, seeing the plants explode with growth. Speaking of which, Duc de Cambridge is a thorny monster. If I get this Gertrude Jekyll rose rooted I’ll cut it down and replace it.
I’m not afraid to cut my losses and start again. You taught me that.
Every time I see a bird bathing in the livestock tank pond, I think about how much you would have enjoyed it. No sign of the red tailed hawk this year. More’s the pity, given the cottontails.
We’re doing ok. S is looking at universities, including in the States – there’s a lot to decide but he definitely wants to live elsewhere. He learned calculus a year early. He’s already gotten his first scholarship. And he’s now interviewing for jobs as a swimming instructor. Can you believe it? Our first baby, so terrified of water, now certified as a lifeguard and instructor.
K is still loving fencing – he even won his category a few months ago in his second competition! He’s now in lifeguard training too. It helps him to stay active. He’s loving his new high school and, I think, the freedom to take public transit everyday. Sometimes he turns his head just so and I have to catch my breath. S & G look like both of us, but K is your image.
G is doing better. I know he’s worried about forgetting you. I’ve told him that the memories of you so sick will fade and he’ll remember his strong and healthy Daddy. We’ve been choosing the photos for the David Gogoladze Memorial Wall that I teased you about.
I miss you everyday. I wish I could say something profound, or at least poetic, about how much. Remember how you struggled to communicate that last month and I’d be waiting for something deep and profound and you were saying, “Don’t forget to turn off the lights” or “Come stand in the shade” or something? It’s like that. Impossible to put into words. And unnecessary. You know.
We’re headed to Georgia next month. Watch over us, we’re flying LOT. Turkish Airways is now $$$ and of course we can’t fly Ukraine.
None of us know what will happen next. Another invasion, another pandemic. Refugees arriving at our door. Time cut short by illness. But we’re moving forward, as we promised.
Love you & miss you darling,
I’ve reprinted Dave’s obituary below, for those of you who didn’t know him.
David’s Obituary
David Gogoladze died peacefully at home in the early hours of July 18, 2022. He was 52. David died as he lived, with quiet dignity, courage, and grace.
David was born and raised in Tbilisi, Georgia. He graduated from Tbilisi Technical University in 1993. From an early age he sought freedom, studying English, German, and Japanese in hopes of leaving the USSR.
In the tumultuous post-‘89 years, David worked to promote democracy and freedom in Georgia, standing against tyranny, corruption, and autocracy. From abroad, he watched the non-violent Rose Revolution of 2003 with pride, but he also recognized the fragility of democracy.
David came to Canada as a political refugee in 2000, crossing the border with a single small suitcase. He built a successful life as a cheesemonger, financial advisor, and car salesman. Everything he did, he did with integrity.
David had a dry sense of humour and refused drama. He enjoyed silly comedies and followed world events in multiple languages. David loved food, wine, and growing his own fruits and vegetables. He relished sharing meals and fellowship with his friends and family.
He spent his final weeks enjoying his family & garden and supporting Ukraine.
David is survived by his wife, Celia Cain; their sons Sandro, Koba, and Gio Gogoladze; his mother Sophio Sukhiashvili; his brother Vakhtang Gogoladze; his brother Levan Gogoladze & Maia Gorgiladze, and nephews Dato & Zurab Gogoladze. David was preceded in death by his father Irodion Gogoladze and his brother Archil Gogoladze.
To support David’s values, you may donate to the Human Rights Foundation or the National Democratic Institute, both of which advocate democracy abroad.
David and his family are deeply grateful for the assistance and succour provided by the ALS Society as well as multiple social & health services. To support their work, you may donate to the ALS Society of Canada.
Our June Group Coaching is next Wednesday, July 24, 9:30-10:30 EDT
Although the coaching calls are for paid subscribers and members only, I am currently accepting questions from my readers and the public as well. I’ll respond with brief videos available to all, or, if it’s something that requires deeper work, in the group coaching sessions.
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